Motherhood is Kicking My Trash

Seriously.

Henry is two month away from being a 3-year-old, and he is squeezing all the "terrible" of the terrible twos as he can.

There is a series of Sour Patch commercials where the gummy sour patch figures do something terrible, and then they do something nice and look all innocent. "Sour. Sweet. Gone." I feel like this is what Henry does all day - every day. It makes me feel like a crap for crap mom. I consider myself a fairly patient person, but there is only so much of the Sour Patch Cycle I can take. Also, something was wrong with Pepper all day yesterday. Poor little love. And it was in the teens yesterday, and single digits today :( Angry Face.

On a more positive note, my parents are coming into town for Thanksgiving (a week and a half) and we are driving out to Molly's place. Eric's mom is having surgery, so he will be out there (in SF) for Thanksgiving week. I wish that all my family lived closer.

Finances. We're trying to save. #1 Create a hearty emergency fund. #2 Pay off student loans. #3 Save for a down payment for a new house. #4 Holding tank. #5 Pay off the Jetta and start saving for our 10 year anniversary trip to Catalina. Seems like we have everything on track, but it's overwhelming. I found this awesome, awesome house in Lafayette for $410K. It's right by the Piper's house - go great neighborhood, great neighbors, amazing kitchen and bathroom, backyard, garage. We just need a simple $20K for a down payment. So that's nothing.

Well, Pepper is awake now and it's time to make mini Pizzas. Cao.

Love and happiness

Let me start by saying that for the past two days, Henry has been so incredibly loving and adorable. He has been giving hugs and kisses to all three of us, and telling us that we're the best, etc.

Many times in my prayers, I ask for help raising my children, and to be able to teach them, and help them learn and grow. Tonight during my prayers, I was feeling so grateful for Henry's sweet loves, and it hit me that I am raising him okay. He's a kind, loving little boy. Sure he has tantrums and sometimes gets crazy and hits others, but not to be mean. He has a big heart - he's happy, and I'm so so grateful for that. As a mom, you can't ask much more from a 2 year old.

Gratitude in all things

I typically begin my night time prayers in one of two ways: "I'm grateful for the wonderful day I had." Or "I'm grateful that today is over." Tonight, I am grateful for the latter.

Besides a baby blow-out, no nap for Henry (until he got into the shopping cart), Eric being out of town, and general craziness, I'm totally sick. I woke up this morning with my eye goobered shut. I called the doctor and made an appointment to come in at 11:45. Long sort short: I finally got in to see the doctor at 12:30 (after the nurse had gone to lunch), and after a 5 minute check up, he was going to call in a prescription for me. Home for Pepper's nap time(not Henry's :/), then to target for the prescription pick up. (This is where the poo-splosion happened.) Turns out that the doc never ended up calling in my prescription, and by the time the pharmacy called, the office was closed. I have to go back tomorrow to get it.

Also, terrible twos. Whiny, insane, sad, indecisive, terrible twos.

I am so so blessed though to have such a happy, smart, brave toddler; a happy, relaxed, low-maintenance baby; and a smart, witty, handsome husband.

Bed time.

A Note to my Daughter on Modesty

Pepper, you're only a few months old, but right now even some girls with pretty high standards don't dress modestly. Boobs are everywhere. I remember last summer, I saw a girl who was wearing shorts that curved up so I could see the crease in her butt cheeks. I'm pretty sure if she only wore regular underwear, it would have covered more of her back side - poor thing.

Looking back to my teenaged years, I can't recall a time when I was inappropriately dressed and thought, "Wow, I sure am glad that guy noticed me because he could see the twins." (or anything along those lines.) Those kind of guys may have been good looking or popular or seemed cool at the time, but really, they were not worth my time or admiration. Those kind of guys are only looking for one (or two) things.

However,  I do remember thinking, "I just met this guy and I am wearing a bikini (first and only time), this is awkward. is he staring at my chest? can he tell I feel so awkward? can I go back and put on a shirt? I'm blushing because I'm embarrassed - will he notice if I start awkwardly blowing on my face?" I do remember thinking, "Seriously? I am literally wearing nasty shoes, jeans and a t-shirt, and a HAIRNET and I just got hit on by a major hottie."  And, "Really? The 'guy who is my reason for going to the gym because I get to see him' guy thinks I'm cute when he's only ever seen me in BYU-Idaho approved workout attire (trust me, it was hideous)?" I do remember thinking, "Wow, I married an amazing man who tells me that I'm perfect only 8 weeks after having my second child. I feel like I look like a manatee, but he thinks I'm beautiful. Aww."

You don't need to dress hot or sexy because you'll be beautiful (just look at your mom ;). You will not have to attract people with the way you show off your body because you will attract them with your witty sense of humor, your brain, your smile, your kindness, your confidence, and your unwavering faith in a Heavenly Father who loves you because you're his daughter; and you respect yourself because you know all those things.

Darling, don't let social pressures overcome you. I promise you that you will never look back and wish that you had given in just that one time, just once, so you could feel like you belonged.

There are lots of randy men out there, but give The Good Ones credit.

I'm establishing this rule now: Within reason, I will give you money to buy cute clothes that cover up your body. If you want to buy anything that I don't approve of, you have to first pray about it, and then if you still feel okay about it, use your own money and pay me for it. Besides, if I don't approve of it, there is no way your dad is letting you out of the house wearing it.

I'm old. I've been where you are, I promise. Before I had kids, I had a rockin' body, too.

Be wise. Make your decisions before you have to make them. I love you and I want only the best for you.

Love, Mom. 

Pepper's First Road Trip

This past weekend my parents came to visit, and Pepper took her first really long car ride to Gateway. Eric had a gig there, so we got to stay for free. HE finally (after 4 times of staying there) got to climb the palisade! I don't think I can put "relaxing," "hanging out," and "kids" in the same sentence, but it was as relaxing as you could get with 1 crazy and 1 child who needs to nap all the time.

Henry just wanted to hug and play with Amelia the whole time, but she wouldn't have it. Poor kid. He just has so much love and so much energy, it sometimes comes out in the form of swinging his arms around which results in hitting. He just needs some love right back, and needs me to explain that hitting is not the best way to release energy.

Anyway, Pepper was really good. Pretty chill. You would think that having a kid who takes a lot of naps would be a good thing, but when you're trying to get out and do stuff, it's difficult to have one person who has to stay near the sleeper. Most of the time, I am grateful for the naps though.

I have already started making a list of things I forgot and things I need for our trip to Lake Almanor in a few weeks. In the mean time, some pictures for your enjoyment.

Girl time photo shoot - we told mom to flex, and she does dance hands; there is us all doing dance hands.

Opa with Milla and Henry

Mimi and Henry back shot

Sweet Face

Selfie.

Henry is all ready to go to Lake Almanor with the Forsyth's next month.

Fider Man

Henry is REALLLLLY into super heroes lately. He keeps asking to watch "Fider Man" and "Iron Man." Yeah, I've been trying to teach him how to say the "sp" sound, and he'll say "sp...sp...fider," or "sp...sp...foon."

Today, he said the cutest thing. We were driving with the windows down and someone beside us was smoking. I rolled up the windows and said that smoking is gross. He replied with, "I don't like smoking, I like fider man though." Aaaaadorable.

Also, losing weight after baby #2 is not easy. I feel so hungry all the time, and (not gunna lie), I turn to sweets more than I should. It's also hard to work out since we have to be home several times day for nap times now. Boo hoo. I am starting a Women on Weights class tomorrow - I'm hopeful for that. It's every Thursday for 6 weeks. I just have to find the strength to stop eating so much chocolate. Sigh. Diet starts tomorrow?

Ok. Time for some pictures:

1. Eric took Henry to a baseball game a few weeks ago. They got to go right behind the dugout, and Henry got a ball from the first base coach.

Pure Joy

 2. Henry is getting into his pretend stage. He was playing "time for sleep" with Pepper.

Pep's new blanket from Gammie

3. Just another day in the kitchen. Henry loves his cooking time with mom, and his smoothies. Pepper wishes she had a smoothie. She's super cute, but I need to start putting bows in her hair. She's adorable with bows. 

 

Innocence of children

Little kids don't care if you dress funny (because they usually dress funny themselves), or if you're pretty or ugly, if you're smart or not so smart, or if you're cool or lame. Little kids just want people to be nice to them, and play with them. I think this is why Christ tells us to be like children. Children don't judge people by their outside appearances, or social standing, or awkwardness. Children often judge people according to the kindness in their hearts.

Henry is such a sweet loving little child. He is always going up to people and giving them hugs, and giving smiles to everybody. He will say hi to the fanciest person in town or a bum on the street. Someday, when I grew up, I want to be just like Henry.

So Many Questions?

Really today? Did you seriously just happen? Why does Henry think it's so awesome to do the exact opposite of what I ask? Why does Pepper sleep amazingly some days, then take a few 40 minute naps other days? Why do I (and my stomach fat) love Easter candy so much? Why does Eric have to do nice things after I get mad at him? How come I married such an awesome, hard working guy? How come I have such adorable kids? What are they going to grow up to be? How can Henry possibly have so much energy? Is there a way to harness that energy? What should we do for date night tomorrow? Why am I still awake? (so sleepy). I'm going to feed Pep now. ZZZzzzzz....

"The Toughest Job"

I think a lot of moms over dramatize the hardships of continuous motherhood. There are really crappy parts of being a mom. There are times when I can't handle it anymore and I just cry. There are times when I can't sleep, or my kids can't sleep so I can't get anything done. It's a frustrating job, it's emotionally straining at times, but it's also emotionally rewarding - much more so than probably any other job out there. When kids go off to school, motherhood gets easier.

Probably though, most moms complain about it because they don't have Eric for a husband. Eric doesn't have a 9-5 job, then comes home and wants dinner. He works 60 hours a week. He works hard doing his calling. He doesn't demand a lot of time to himself. In fact, he encourages me to go have girl time or me time.

Eric helps me with taking care of our kids - he understands that we're partners. Granted, he has a job that makes money, and I stay home and take care of Henry and Pepper solo most of the time, but he helps when he can. He's not perfect and I'm not perfect. He should get off his phone or computer when his kids want his attention and I should clean up. But I'm one of the lucky ones.  My husband works hard and pays attention.

Reminiscence of My Childhood

I guess my earliest memory is when I was a baby. My dad was cradling me in his arms and waking through our front door. He had a curly fro and mustache. The door frame was light blue and I think there was some kind of construction going on in our house.

My next earliest memory was dad taking apart my crib. It was against the south wall in mine and Molly's room, maple colored. Dad was kneeling on one knee and Molly was standing on the other side of him.

I remember putting up wallpaper in our room - it had a weird smell.

All I remember from preschool was doing this art project with melted crayons, napping on a towel with my name on it and thinking that my mom had very nice handwriting, and having a race on big wheels.

When Molly was in Pod, but I wasn't, I remember going to see her and I sat in her lap in the assembly room when everyone was watching a movie. I remember her being so excited to see me, and vice versa.

I remember my first day of kindergarten. I think I came in a few days late and sat down on the carpet while most of the other kids went to see Jo and give her a hug. That year I also remember being in the bathroom and some older kid turned off the lights. I was so scared.

I remember going over to Mrs. Elliot's house with and without Whitney a lot to visit, but also to get candy. Sometimes we would sneak in just to get candy. Her house also had a weird smell.

I remember playing travel agent and carnival with Whitney. I have a memory of playing with a gymnastic ribbon at her old house, and the first time I tried to have a sleepover, but it didn't work out so well.

I remember swinging on the swing in our back yard. And making shotgun shells with my brothers. And our orange tree. For an April fools joke one time, we were building our pool and had just cut down the tree. Dad got a phony phone call and said we weren't going to be able to build the pool. I was mostly sad about the tree.

I remember Doyle and his pink spot on his shell.

I can't even remember all the times I played in Mammaw's dirt pile, but I remember making mud pies and decorating them with all the different leaves and flowers in her back yard.

I remember Papa made me eat all the green beans from my vegetable beef soup. And he made me drink the milk that I had already dipped my Oreos into. And that he was a loud snorer. But when he stopped smoking, he was really funny and acted like a kid.

I remember going to see my dad when he worked at Saunders. I used his calculator and chap stick. He had his "Are you winning?" Plaque next to his architect(?) table.

I remember my mom dancing, often, to all kinds of music, everywhere around the house.

I remember soccer Saturdays and getting ice cream after.

I remember walking home from church with my Dad on Sundays, we would hold hands and sing songs. But when I was becoming too cool for public affection with him, we made up the "nose scratch;"I made it up in church so when he dropped me off I didn't get too embarrassed.

I remember going to Subway with my mom. And Carl's Jr. - I used to get the salad bar a lot for the cottage cheese.

I remember road trips as a kid...I would sit in the back on top of all the luggage and listening to Disney songs. So safe.

I remember playing the Barbie Game on our first computer.

The memory I have the most with my brothers is 1. Them covering me with a blanket and telling them I can't breathe. 2. Trying to run around the house in 30 brother seconds (1....2....3...4...5..6..7.8.9.10111213). 3. Sleeping in their room on Christmas Eve and them telling Molly and I that there were shotguns pointed at the door and they would go off if we opened the door before morning. 4. I remember feeling loved by Ryan and Brad anyway.

Most every early memory I have is with my family. It makes me really think how we should be spending more time with kids and less time with other stuff.

The Revenge of Taco Bell

Today Eric had to go by Taco Bell for work. He ended up eating dinner there. When he came home around 7, I was feeding Pepper/putting her to sleep. I heard a very loud "roar" sound from down in the basement, and I thought to myself, That is either Eric doing a good lion sound for Henry, or he just threw up.  It turned out that he threw up.

I put Henry to sleep and then went to the store for weekly grocery shopping as well as some ginger ale for Mr. Sicky. When I came home, he was laying in bed, had thrown up twice, and Henry was laying in bed next to him. It was adorable.

Eric later told me that Henry had come upstairs after I left, and he told Henry that he was sick. Henry replied with, "You should take a nap." So adorable.

Eric has thrown up twice since then. I hope he's better soon.

Family Photo Shoot

Last weekend, we had a photo shoot and I just got the pictures back.

General Conference

Yesterday and today was the 184th Annual General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I was able to listen to most of the Saturday morning and afternoon sessions, but not so much today. The one thing kept sticking out in the talks, the thing I kept feeling like I should do, is have family scripture study. So we tried family scripture study this morning when Henry came into our room. We got through 1 Nephi 1:1. So that's something. It's going to be hard. It takes sacrifice and dedication - actually being awake and not letting Henry just watch TV will definitely be a challenge. But I really feel like this is something that we need to do to help strengthen our family and help us get through the day.

Elder Hales' talk was on obedience. My favorite part was when he spoke on "selective obedience." He said that a lot of times people don't obey a commandment because they don't always know the reasons for a commandment. Just like children don't always obey their parents because they don't know their parent's wisdom. Then I laughed out loud. That is mine and Henry's relationship all the time. Heavenly Father is so understanding and forgiving when I constantly don't heed his warnings, but I am so not forgiving and understanding when my two year old Henry doesn't heed my warnings. That's really something I need to work on.

Anyway, conference was great. Now I have some things to put into action. 

Pepper during conference

Henry during conference

What happened to nap time?

I don't like this no nap time crap that Henry has been pulling lately. He says "no" to everything and is so disobedient. He gets so tired by the time it's time for dinner. He's a tornado. But he's also super cute. He's always saying how much he loves me, and he really loves Pepper and is so sweet to her.

Finally crashed around 4pm

Sometimes my patience just runs out though, and I yell at him or push him away and I feel so so bad. I feel like I have to ask for forgiveness and help all the time, and I try to do it right away. Henry always forgives me right away and he gives the sweetest little loves. I always just make sure that I am giving a greater portion of love so he never doubts my love for him. And I give him candy.

Devious roll-making smile

We made rolls the other day. Hal is a good kitchen helper. Speaking of Henry knowing his way around the kitchen, the other morning Eric and I were upstairs, Henry was downstairs being suspiciously quiet. Eric goes down there to find Henry on his cooking chair with all the sharp knives out of the block and on the counter with a little chocolate on each. Henry was trying to cut these chocolate cereal bars I made the day before. Everything was fine, just a little worried. Our little independent chef.

Update: 4/26/14 Henry is back to napping - about 3 hours a day, so that's really nice. He just goes to bed later these days, but that's also fine because he's been watching baseball with dad at night. Next Friday they get to go to an actual game!

Pepper's Blessing

Pepper's blessing was sweet. My dad and Eric give similar blessings. They're both very...wise, I guess would be the word I would use. Very patriarchal.

Last night Eric asked me what I thought of the blessing, and the part that really stuck out to me was about Pepper's lineage as a daughter of God. I told him how having a girl now is (obviously) easier to relate to. The whole time from when I was 12-18, I heard tons about being a daughter of God and it was truly a big part of my life. And that part of the blessing gave me a glimpse into Pepper's future.

Like Pepper, I have amazing parents who, in my life, have always been strong in the Church and were very encouraging, and so loving. Pepper and I won't have exactly the same childhood and youth, but she'll probably have many of the same lessons learned: she'll probably like princesses, hopefully she'll like cooking with me, she'll have boyfriends, she'll deal with middle school, and she will understand the importance of her lineage as a daughter of God.

Eric and I had a really good talk last night. Well, first he talked about this debate-like thing he was having with some guy on Facebook about religion and science - that got boring after a while. Regardless, I still love to hear his thoughts and ideas. Eric is very verbose. He loves it. I love him for it. It's part of him.

Anypoo, after quite some time of half listening to Eric talk about that, half watching pictures of London scroll by on my computer, Eric and I had a really good talk last night. I don't even quite remember what we talked about, but I enjoyed it. Everyone, Eric and I included, are so involved with our electronic devices these days, that it's becoming more uncommon to just sit and have a good conversation.

He was saying the other day that I don't get nearly as upset with him anymore. I think it's partly because we're both more mature, and partly because Eric doesn't "debate" as much with me. We don't have as much alone time as we used to, so it needs to count.

Well, Pepper is up, it's time to feed.

The Start of a Blog

I figured I should again start writing down what happens in my life.

Pepper was born about two months ago. She's getting a little better at sleeping which is nice. Henry is back to taking naps again, too. I got to take a nap today. We had a photo shoot this morning (but more on that later).

After nap time we went to the mall as a family (Eric's favorite). Henry played at the "dinosaur mall," and Eric got some new gray jeans at Banana. He's good looking. Not only that, but he's a good dad. He loves our kids.

It's not that having two kids is so much harder than having one kid, it's that having a new baby again is hard. It's the whole feeding, sleep training, crying, entertaining things. Pepper is so sweet - it's like she's a very understanding soul. She knows what I need. She's an angel, but she's still a baby.

I always know when I am supposed to bare my testimony before fast Sunday comes along: This past month has (obviously) been difficult at times. I got to a point when I just felt like I couldn't do it any more. I was tired and frustrated and tired.

I was pleading to Heavenly Father for something, really just any kind of comfort. Then a scripture came into my head, the one about the very jaws of hell gaping it's mouth, but I opened up to D&C 121 and saw verses 7 and 8 underlined, "My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it will, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes."

And that was great. I felt...okay. But it was something that we in the Church hear a lot, and it still wasn't what I needed. Then I read the next verse and broke down: "Thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands." Shortly after that spoke with my sister, my long time best friend, and have since been surrounded with friends at various social events.

I just feel so blessed to have a Heavenly Father who loves me, who knows me, and who knows what I need.

Tonight was the first ever Women's conference where all girls aged 8 and up were invited. President Henry B. Eyering spoke and he said (something like), " You will have tests, trials, and opportunities chosen specifically and perfectly for you." It's comforting to me to know that at least some of the crap that happens to me is specifically designed to make me the best me. And I'm not alone. I have my loving, supportive husband who works hard and cares about me. I have my Father in Heaven. I have my family, who I can call any time. I have friends. I have Henry and Pepper. I have Annie.

Tomorrow is fast Sunday and we are blessing Pepper. Look out for an emotional me.